'He was a stranger to me': Dad abandons 4-year-old son to be raised by his grandparents after his mom passes, wants him back when he's 10 so his 2nd wife can be his 'mom'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 27, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Therapists are not always the bees knees. As a member of Generation Z, I'm constantly hearing my peers talk about how going to therapy is a green flag and will make you a better person. It's like church for Zoomers. I'm not necessarily convinced that therapy makes anyone more virtuous than anyone else. The function of therapy is to give patients coping skills to deal with their problems, but I'm not even convinced that therapists do that half the time. Maybe this is because I've had some extremely questionable therapists in the past, but it's also a good rule of thumb to be suspicious of anything that is praised as a quick fix for most character problems. 

Some people have no choice about whether to go to therapy, and are given a court-appointed one that they are required to see a certain amount of times. If you couldn't already guess, these therapists aren't the cream of the crop. 

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  • The kid in this story had a less than ideal therapist experience. When he spoke truthfully about how his father's irresponsible actions have negatively affected him, the therapist said he should have expressed himself with nicer words. Once you hear his life story, you'll understand why he wasn't mincing words. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10486928896
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not making the truth sound nicer in family therapy and standing by what I said?

    My mom did when I (17M) was 4. My dad sent me to live with his parents immediately after. He said couldn't cope without mom and wanted me to have a stable life. I still saw him and stuff but he wasn't raising me. That was left to my grandparents. They
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    encouraged him to see me as much as he could and he'd try to swing by at least once a week but that didn't always happen. It was really awkward and I remember being kinda sad about it for a year or more. Then it just became my new normal.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    Cheezburger Image 10486940928
    via u/GeneralJunket6772

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    When I was 8 my dad announced he was moving and wasn't sure when he'd come back. I didn't see him for more than two years and when he moved back he wanted me back. I was 10 by then. He was a stranger to me then too so I didn't want to live with him and my grandparents didn't want me to be taken back like that. Dad told them it was fine and he met someone and we'd all move in
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    together in a few months. They said it was even more of a reason for me to stay because I wouldn't adjust well to random people coming in and living with me. He said they're not random, I was about to have a new mom and brother. They wanted to know if he had a kid with someone and he said no. His fiancée had a kid already but he was going to raise him as his own.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    My dad started a court battle with my grandparents when his wife moved to town to live with him, but they weren't married at the time. Dad said he'd been patient but he didn't like that they were keeping me from him. I told him I didn't want to live with him but he ignored me when I said it. And
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    after months of fighting in court and me talking to people from the court my dad won. It took almost a year though and I was almost 12 by then. But I was forced to live with him and his wife and her son and their baby they'd just had.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    My dad was acting like I had never lived apart from him and his wife acted like she was my mom. She'd tell me what to do (you need to play more sports, spend less time with these friends because I don't like them, spend time with your "brother") and expect me to help out around the house and help her specifically.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    She said it was good for us to make up for all the time we lost. So I'd have to sit with her while she cooked and stuff and she'd give me consequences for having an attitude about it and whenever I told her she wasn't my mom she would give even more consequences.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    I had stopped calling my dad 'dad' years before he took custody of me back and that was something he tried to change when I moved in with them. He'd tell me I had a mom and a dad and a brother and a sister and using names and not acknowledging the family relationships were wrong. I told
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    him they weren't really my family and he spent time telling me they were and why I needed to be more open minded about it.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    I never called him dad again and I'm only doing it here for the sake of the post. I never called his wife mom or the kids my siblings. I never wanted to be a part of their family and it started to impact my grades. My grandparents used that and some other stuff when I was 15 to fight for custody again.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    They were denied originally but then it became a bigger fight. I had to speak to a therapist, someone from the court system, a GAL and a children's advocate person (not the GAL but someone else) and after a lot of discussing what was the best thing for me and figuring out other stuff, as well as me studying up on how to
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    speak more maturely so I could get a judge to listen to me, the judge let me go back to my grandparents but ordered that I take part in family therapy with my dad until I turn 18. That was almost a year ago and I was 16 when that happened.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    I don't really take the therapy sessions seriously and I take them less serious after dad went back to court to ask for his wife to be included in the sessions which the judge allowed. So now I have to see both of them once a week for an hour. I don't say anything in therapy usually. I don't like the
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    therapist and I have my own so | don't need them for anything. But a few weeks ago I did speak up because the therapist told me everyone needed to be honest at least once and that I might as well say whatever it was that goes through my head.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    So I stopped wanting him back and wanting to live with him when I was about 6 or 7 and that I stopped wanting to be a part of his family again. I said he wasn't a good dad and just because he tried, but only when his wife came into his life, it didn't mean I was okay with that. And I said the whole thing of having a new mom and brother was wrong
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    because my mom di d and some strange pushy lady he met somewhere wasn't going to take her place just because she wanted some perfect family image. I said they tore me away from my home and the parents who raised me so they could play at being good people. I said a stranger told me who I could and couldn't be friends with and what
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    kinds of hobbies I should have. I said I was punished for saying she wasn't my mom when she wasn't. I said they had brought up their kids hurting and missing me and I said it was their fault because dad ignored me when I said I didn't want to live with them. I said I wasn't ever going to want a relationship with their kids because to me blod doesn't
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    make us siblings, it makes us related and the same with one being raised by my dad, it makes us sorta related but not family, not siblings and the more they keep expecting that to change the more they hurt their kids.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    My dad really didn't see what I said coming. His wife didn't look surprised but more offended that I basically said she was nothing but a stranger to me when she was trying to play mommy. I got sh from them and the therapist for not making the truth kinder.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    The therapist said I can clearly speak with maturity in court so being nicer about the truth would have been far better. After that I stopped speaking again but it has come up since then. AITA?
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    Cheezburger Image 10486940416
    via Hrant Khachatryan (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Jolly JeanGiant83 They stole you from your family. And then punished you for telling the truth. Maybe they're the ones that should have been nice. NTA.
    via u/JollyJeanGiant83
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    GeneralJunket6772 OP My dad still argues they kept me from him too. Even though he was the one who gave me to his parents to raise. He's the one who left town and didn't see me in two years. He made those choices but he blames my grandparents instead of looking at how he fed up. Guess he married someone who blindly supported him and had the arrogance to think a 12 year old would call some stranger mom.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    Sweet-Interview5620 NTA the therapist told you to speak your truth they can't now say you should have said it nicer. I'd have pointed out it wouldn't have been your truth if it was said nicer. That all these sessions your So called parents didn't care about being nicer in what they said to me. That it's clear he's a crappy therapist who takes sides instead of being impartial like is dictated and the fact he let them harass your for being honest is one of the big no's in regulations for therapist
    via u/Sweet-Interview5620
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    sessions. That he told you to speak your truth and then let them bu y you for it and he joined in. That it's clear they are not impartial and you no longer feel safe going back to those sessions again. Get your therapist to write to the judge about what's been happening and how the sessions are being used purely to bu y you. That for your health you will no longer continue with them as its Detrimental for you whilst it's that therapist. That therapist should be investigated and disciplined but a
    via u/Sweet-Interview5620
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    GeneralJunket6772 OP I brought it up to my therapist and they asked about a complaint but I'm not wanting another court fight. I lived through enough of them and I know that might make me because others could have to deal with it. But I just want to keep my head down and make it through the next few months until I can stop going. Courts exhausting and I feel like I end up having to deal with my dad more when we're dealing with court stuff. Plus the judge really made us fight to change custody th
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    The whole be nicer thing is funny to me because why tell me to be honest if you want me to be nice about it. Sometimes the truth can't be said in a nice way.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    Complex-Size-4409 Short and sweet NTA. Shame on your father for that behavior.
    via u/Complex-Size-4409
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    GeneralJunket6772 OP I don't think he knows how to feel shame or to acknowledge if he does. But I just don't think he feels it even when he should.
    via u/GeneralJunket6772
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    NPDwatch The therapist is taking sides, which is quite unprofessional and just not okay. Your post is extremely articulate and it delineates the facts, and your feelings, very clearly. I don't see how any fair- minded judge could rule in your father's favour at this point. I am really sorry for everything you have been through. However, you are clearly level-headed and you will land on your feet no matter what, particularly with your grandparents' love and support. You are definitely NTA.
    via u/NPDwatch

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therapist family drama mother therapy wife bad parenting grandma bad parents dad Grandpa family grandparents mom son Father custody Parenting FAILS
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